so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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