Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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