you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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