One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
