Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
