Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize