apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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