wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
