Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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