My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
