Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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