I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
