i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
