It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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