My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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