I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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