jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
