so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
