Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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