Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
