he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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