i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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