Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
