and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
