I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
