you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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