Do you still have your period?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
