The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
