Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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