nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
