Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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