just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
