Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
