East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
