HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
