Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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