Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
