Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
