Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
