Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
