No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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