my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
