what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
