I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
