You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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