Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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