He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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