3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
