how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
