apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
