Apparently you make a good broom.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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