Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
