So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
