Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
