you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
