you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
