I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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