I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im part way to drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize