If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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