hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
