new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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