you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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