The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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