I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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