I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
