had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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