Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
