my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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