she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
