Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
