smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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