My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
