you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
