i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
