It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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