I faked an abortion last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize