Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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