dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
