So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
