11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
