there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize