Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
